RMG Agent Podcast

Episode 71 - Are You Breathing? You Need Encouragement

Reed Moore Season 3 Episode 71

We've all heard the motivational mantras about constant hustle and perpetual growth. But what if that approach is actually undermining your progress? This episode challenges the conventional wisdom around personal growth by exploring a crucial question: "How do you know if someone needs encouragement? If they're breathing, the answer is yes."

The truth about sustainable personal development isn't what most grinding entrepreneurs want to hear - growth isn't a constant upward trajectory. It's a series of climbs followed by essential plateaus where you consolidate gains and prepare for the next ascent. Without these strategic pauses, you accumulate two dangerous byproducts: fatigue and self-doubt.

Drawing from athletic training principles, Reed and Jake demonstrate how peak performance happens when your capabilities are high but your fatigue is low. This balancing act is impossible when you're perpetually pushing without celebration or recognition of progress. For real estate professionals especially, where results often lag months behind activities, the ability to find encouragement in the journey proves essential.

We dive deep into both sides of the encouragement equation - how to give it effectively (specific, effort-focused, and habitual) and how to receive it gracefully (without deflection or dismissal). Perhaps most counterintuitively, we explore why high-achievers must learn to actually ask for encouragement when needed, rather than expecting others to intuitively know when support is required.

Whether you're leading a team, building a business, or simply working on personal growth, this episode provides practical guidance for creating sustainable development patterns that drive results without burnout. The courage to pause might be the missing ingredient in your growth journey.

Like, subscribe, and share this podcast with someone who needs encouragement and help with their business and life. Visit rmgagentpodcast.com for action guides and resources to impact, empower and encourage you.

Have you started using AreaPro yet? Head over to areapro.com/rmg/ for an exclusive discount today! 

https://www.rmgagentpodcast.com/
https://www.youtube.com/@RMGAgentPodcast/featured

Speaker 1:

When we're talking about personal growth, it's not all about pushing super hard every single day, all the time, because that comes with some negative consequences. You might see yourself as somebody that shouldn't need encouragement. If you're strong, you don't need encouragement. I've more than a few times fallen into that category, Turns out it's actually not true. I've more than a few times fallen into that category, Turns out it's actually not true.

Speaker 1:

Real estate professionals, welcome back to the RMG Agent Podcast. I'm your host, Reed Moore, along with my co-host, Jake Bartlett. We are here in season three, and season three is all about personal growth. We have some great stuff coming to you guys today and before we do, we'd like for you to like, subscribe and share this with a friend, especially somebody that you know just needs some encouragement and help with their business and with their life. As always, go to rmgagentpodcastcom for action guides and to get all the goodies, the webinars we've done and everything to help impact, empower and encourage you. And secondly, go to area procom forward slash RMG for the product that we think every real estate agent should have to really help them become the market expert in their area. All right, Jake, what do we have going today?

Speaker 2:

We have not only a great episode, but we have a fantastic mustache that Reed is rocking right now. So if you're listening to the podcast, I also suggest checking it out on youtube, just so you can see the full power it's yes that he is bringing to this episode it's bringing a lot to the table.

Speaker 2:

Uh, yes, yeah okay, enough about the mustache. All right, we do have an awesome episode and we are doing uh, along with our personal growth um series that we're doing right now. We did just film a master series with Josh Anderson, which is awesome, so go back and check that episode out. Yes, anything, you want to give a hint that he talked?

Speaker 1:

about. He is just a master of doing the basics consistently over a long period of time and just really encouraging and amazing to see what he's built over the last 19 years. So he's a he's a true master.

Speaker 2:

Nice, okay, so we have a fun episode today, maybe a challenging episode for some. Are you breathing? You need encouragement.

Speaker 1:

So this was actually kind of a riff off of a quote from a guy named Truett Cathy who started Chick-fil-A and he he, at one point in his career, asked this question how do you know if somebody needs encouragement? And then you know, everybody waits. And he said if they're breathing. And it's one of these things that, as we're talking about personal growth, there is a lot of challenge that comes into personal growth, right, Whenever we're growing we've talked about this before we're pushing outside of our comfort zone, we're going into territory where we haven't gone before, and we're doing that for the sake of you know, maybe performing at a higher level, becoming who we're created to be, being a better husband, father, and the list goes on and on and on.

Speaker 1:

But with personal growth comes some negative things that we have to be paying attention to. And if you are like me and you have a default, your default or your bias can really undermine personal growth. And my default or my bias is constant challenge, Right, I constantly I kind of live under this. You know internally this, this desire to constantly challenge myself, Right, or at least that's what I tell me and tell myself and I can come across that way. And the problem is is that when we're talking about personal growth, it's not all about pushing super hard every single day all the time, because that comes with some negative consequences.

Speaker 2:

Our friendship group. You pitched some ideas and this will give you an idea of challenge, of hey, what if we did six hours of a suffer fest as a fun way of spending a Saturday?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's like hey guys, let's go. You know like do last man standing, you know hike for 36 hours and you know, mixed results from the people listening Right.

Speaker 2:

So, which has an awesome place. I highly suggest finding people in your life that challenge you and are constantly challenging themselves, because you will become better by being around people like that. You will think bigger, you will experience more and you'll become a better person than you currently are. You will experience more and you'll become a better person than you currently are, and we're going to talk a little bit about how symptoms and things cause come up from that. So one of the things that we talked about is that that we're we're taught that growth is like this, this constant trajectory, but that's not how you look at it right?

Speaker 1:

No, it's really not. So. Growth really looks like climbing and then plateauing, and climbing and plateauing. There's a couple of reasons for that. One is that the constant, incessant climb of growth if that's all you ever do it leaves you never being able to celebrate what you just accomplished or what you just did. And so what really healthy growth tends to look like is it looks like this period of time where it's very hard and sometimes very intense, and that can be even for a prolonged period of time.

Speaker 1:

But once you've accomplished something, or once you've grown, or once you've lost a certain amount of weight, there's an opportunity to stop and actually just enjoy it, celebrate it and use it, and that ends up feeling like a plateau. And actually just enjoy it, celebrate it and use it, and that ends up feeling like a plateau. And so if you're wired to constantly be growing, growing, growing, one of the things that you can do is you can lose the ability or not recognize the ability to stop in. You know, some people would say smell the roses right, stop and celebrate, or even get the most out of what you just went to. If you're leading or you're around other people, then they're growing and growing and growing, but they never actually get to experience that, and then their experience with you is that it's nothing, but there's always something bigger and better.

Speaker 2:

and wake up every day and don't pay attention to what you've achieved, only pay attention to what you haven't yet done or who you haven't yet become, and and that that can be a real downside to the constant, incessant, uh, personal growth and it and it's actually uh kind of undermines personal growth in some ways as the person in that situation, it can feel a little like a horse with blinders right, like you're constantly forging forward and you don't get the ability to see all the work that's that's done, like the person that's, you know, continuing to ask more and more of you and you're not seeing all the the ground that you gained. Yes, and so what we're going to talk about here is some of the byproducts of that, and then we're going to work through it. So what are the byproducts of this or what? What are you going to feel like? Yeah, so, so one of the byproducts of that, and then we're going to work through it.

Speaker 1:

So what are the byproducts of this or what are you going to feel like? Yeah, so, so one of the. So there, there's really two negative, bright byproducts of personal growth and again, it's not a reason not to grow, but it is a reason to to kind of pay attention. And the two byproducts of growth are um, are going to be fatigue, right, uh, over the course of time. If you don't take time to stop and and look around and celebrate and experience what you, what you've done when you grow, then a lot of fatigue will set in, and fatigue actually just sets in, just if you're growing period, right.

Speaker 1:

The second one that that sets in, and it's kind of your constant companion when you're on the uphill trajectory of growth, is self-doubt and all of the different things around that.

Speaker 1:

Because if, if you are truly pushing into growth, you are over the edge of your skis a lot of the time you are, which is really fun sometimes if you're skiing and you're like you're on that edge, but it's not fun to be there all the time, right, right, and so so we build up fatigue and then we start operating a place where where self-doubt shows up and that's OK because that's going to be a part of growth.

Speaker 1:

But self-doubt starts actually kind of set up camp, because there's never an opportunity to take a look around and be like, oh man, I'm not the person I used to be Right which sheds that self-doubt and actually builds confidence. Sheds that self-doubt and it actually builds confidence. And and in, if I, if I take a plateau time, I take a season to where, like I, I stop growing in a certain area to be able to let it settle, then all of a sudden self-doubt becomes replaced with confidence, and confidence means that the next personal growth uh climb that I'm going to be on starts with with confidence instead of uh starts with self-doubt the way I envisioned.

Speaker 2:

Envisioned this was I have kids. I was very athletic growing up. I spent a lot of time playing all sorts of different sports and if you're a sports parent, you will understand watching your kids enjoy something really well. They love some sort of sport like baseball, and you want them to enjoy it more than you want them to get better. And there's this constant tension of giving them critiques, giving them things that will help them get better, and helping them to think, think bigger and push harder, while also giving them space to to yeah, absorb what they've, what they've gone through right. So if all they ever do is is train and push hard and push hard and they never get to experience in gameplay what they've just learned and how much better that they've gotten, uh, it can be a very fatiguing process yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So the two outcomes of of you know, maybe not not taking these times to, to, to rest and look around, right, uh, is that, uh, you, you, you build up this fatigue or you actually like in a kid's case or in an adult's case, it actually may cause somebody to tap out on personal growth in a certain area of their life. It's like, forget it, right, this is this, is this, is just this sucks. I don't like living this way, right, and then they tell themselves a story and that story can trickle into other areas of their life where they really do need to continue to grow. But you can actually do a lot of damage and I've, I've probably done that more than a few times, Right, and so kind of go into this idea of fatigue.

Speaker 1:

When it comes to personal growth, a long time ago, I used to do endurance stuff. I used to do like triathlons and Ironman and those kinds of things, and one of the things that would happen is my coach would have me track all of my training in, uh, in an app called training peaks and what training peaks. It tracked all kinds of different things, but there are two really important measurements that it tracked all the time, and that is it tracked, uh, your, um, uh, your increase in performance, right it it? It tracked your, your increase in performance, right, it tracked your, your athletic performance or, you know, your, your conditioning. But it also tracks your fatigue, and I didn't really understand that until I asked my coach, like what, what's the whole point of tracking fatigue? And what he told me was that as you push and push into higher and higher levels of personal performance, you increase your fatigue more and more. And right before a race there was like a three-week period of time that you would follow a very, very strict protocol and that protocol would taper you down over time where you were actually doing less and less activities all the way to the day of the race. And he said the reason for doing that was when you're at peak, peak performance, you're typically at peak fatigue also, and so if you go to do a race under your very peak performance stats but you also peak your fatigue, you don't perform well because the fatigue counteracts the performance. So the idea was that the last three weeks before a race is, you tried to get your fatigue as low as possible while keeping your performance or keeping your endurance as high as possible, and so the higher my, my, my endurance or my performance went and the lower my fatigue went. Wherever there was that big gap, that's where performance was was at its highest and it worked really, really well.

Speaker 1:

So if we look at this, we overlay it into personal growth, the challenge and, by the way, we're all geared differently around this. Like some people, uh, build up fatigue around personal growth way faster than others, and then in different seasons of life right you're, you're really pushing hard, you know, at uh, at work, and then you know you come home and your family situation is extra hard. Well, that builds fatigue too, and so that season might just not be the season that somebody can push the hardest. But what I've seen over time is if I'm constantly, or somebody's constantly, pushing into personal growth, but they're building up fatigue when you go to perform, your performance will actually be substandard and will feel like you haven't really grown much. But the reality is you've grown. You just are carrying way too much fatigue.

Speaker 2:

Right, yeah, okay. So let's parallel this a little bit to what this actual moment would look like as far as in your real estate career. So you've been pushing really hard for, you know, three, four, five months to build up the skills to be able to make a lot more contacts than you've done in the past. You're building up clients, you're carrying more clients, like, do you just shut that all down? What's this look like?

Speaker 1:

Good, good question. So there's a handful of different things that are important and we're going to do actually kind of a series on this, because we're going to talk about rest, recovery, retooling. We're going to talk about analyzing, recovering and recalibrating. So we're going to talk about some of these different skills. But one of the skills that we're going to talk about today is giving and receiving encouragement, and it's just this really interesting thing, kind of going all the way back to that quote is when do you, when do you know that somebody needs encouragement because they're breathing?

Speaker 1:

Well, you might see yourself as somebody like that shouldn't need encouragement, like if you're strong, you don't need encouragement. I've I've more than a few times fallen into that category. Uh, turns out it's actually not true, right, but when, whenever we're we're going along a personal growth journey, we need to have other people in our life be able to see what we can't see. Right, going back to this idea of I have blinders on, if we're genuinely growing and we're working hard, we're just living this next sliver of the iteration of our life, living this next like sliver of the iteration of our life, and there's a good chance that we don't even um, we don't even realize that we've come so far and so we're not waking up internally celebrating, and so we need other people to be able to encourage us Right, and there's a few pieces to that.

Speaker 1:

Number one is we need to be around people that are going to encourage us. One is we need to be around people that are going to encourage us. That's important. Number two is that we need to be able to learn how to effectively receive encouragement, and both of those things have to be in place if I'm going to be able to really take that deep breath and step back and be like, oh my gosh, I really did grow, celebrate, enjoy that moment, take it in Right. Really did grow, celebrate, enjoy that moment, take it in right. Uh, get rid of some of the self-doubt and and bring some of that, that, that courage and that strength, back in right for the, for the next journey.

Speaker 2:

That's going to be important so for somebody like me that's not great at receiving encouragement and for somebody like me who's not always good at giving encouragement here we go, all right, so let's jump into some of these things. We make the perfect pair on this specific topic. So, okay, what are some of the ways we should be giving encouragement?

Speaker 1:

Okay. So giving encouragement, this is something I learned with my wife quite a few years ago, and that is that when we're giving encouragement, it needs to be specific and genuine. The genuine one seems kind of like a no brainer. The specific one was the one that I struggled with the most, because what ends up happening is that when you give somebody encouragement, they need to be able to take it in Right, and that's that's the communicator and that's the person who's receiving it. And so, as the communicator, I want to be able to take it in right, and that's the communicator and that's the person who's receiving it. And so, as the communicator, I want to be able to be specific, so that way it's easier for them to trust my encouragement, right? So if somebody, if I'm just living my life and maybe I'm a little bit discouraged or I have some self-doubt, I may be avoidant of actually receiving encouragement. And so if somebody just says something like Thank you, right, like you might be able to receive that, but it's it's, it's really generic.

Speaker 1:

And if I'm not in a super good place or I'm just grinding through personal growth, I might not know if you're actually genuine or if you even paid attention, right. But if that same person says gosh, jake, you did so well. Yesterday I overheard you set two appointments, and that second one. It sounded like you had somebody on the like holding a tiger by the tail, but I noticed that you closed like five or six times to be able to get that appointment. And I also noticed it sounded like they were really happy at the end of that conversation, like great job, yeah. All of a sudden it's like this person noticed me. They saw me. They saw me struggle through maybe what was a fear at the time or something like that.

Speaker 2:

And that's going to give them more access to the encouragement, right? Yeah, we've talked about this in a few other episodes Like it's the difference between being seen and being known, right Like that, if somebody is actually listening and they and they have specifics of things that you did really well and they point them out like you actually you feel and and known in that moment, versus hey, good job, like that, that could be. That same person could walk through the office and just tell everybody good job, right. Yes, and, and that might not actually hit everybody the same way, yeah, so what's second here?

Speaker 1:

okay. The second is encouraging effort, not just results. So in business we're always pushing towards results and we want to see results. But as it turns out, in business and in parenting, being able to encourage the effort is really, really important. So there's been all kinds of research and studies done with kids that when they are specifically praised or encouraged for results, that when they are specifically praised or encouraged for results, if they have a moment where they don't get results, then they tend to fall apart, they tend to give up, they tend to throw in the towel, and so all of these studies are just they're fascinating. There's actually a book called Mindset by Carol Dweck that kind of goes into some of this research. But kids growing up that are praised for giving effort, for trying, for working really hard, tend to have more grit. They tend to be able to sustain going through hard things to be able to actually get to results, because we do want results, and so, especially when somebody's like newer in the career or they're relaunching or they're just doing any of those kind of things, what's going to happen is results in our industry are delayed, right, they're delayed three to six months, and so if the only thing that, as a leader, you have to say encouraging as around results, then you're going to, you're going to send somebody out into battle without any encouragement for a prolonged period of time, right? So two challenges with that. Number one is you have somebody who's not encouraged. That's not good. Number two is that we are actually taking some of the fuel for doing the activities, which is encouragement, and we're removing that and expecting something to burn really bright here in six months. And so, as a leader, I have to be really, really careful, especially because my default isn't always encouragement. I have seasons of life where I'm just constantly very, very and specifically encouraging and if I take my eye off that ball, I just don't think about it, I don't pay attention to it, and that actually undermines the very results that I want. So what's third here? Okay, the third is to make encouragement a habit, not an event.

Speaker 1:

Another area that I've I've struggled and and actually had some good personal growth in uh, sometimes results vary, but that's turning encouragement into a habit, not an event, right, and what I want to be able to do is if it's true that everybody around me, and myself included, needs encouragement constantly, right, whether I think they do or whether I see it on their face or not, then encouragement needs to become something that I do habitually. It's something that I do in a morning meeting. It's something that I do, you know, every time I meet one-on-one with somebody. It's something that I just decide, like every time. I have these different pieces of uh of time right, so that's going to be uh, like I said, in a morning meeting, in a one-on-one, in a training session, anytime.

Speaker 1:

Any of these things happen. It's a part of this actually is encouragement. A part of the actual dna of the structure of what I'm doing has to be encouragement. If not, if I'm not somebody who's prone to remembering to be encouraging all the time, then it's going to be up to my emotions and what I'm feeling and that can leave people unencouraged for a long period of time. If you build it into being a habit, then there's going to be more consistent encouragement over time. And again, if I do care about results and I do care about the people, this is just a habit and a discipline to build in, because you know, it's like having the habit of, you know, taking your car to the gas station every X number of miles. Right, you just have to do it, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So the opposite of being unencouraged for a long period of time is discouraged, right, which you never want anybody in your life to be discouraged around you. So, yeah, uh, okay, now we'll talk about what I'm really gonna become great at, right how to receive encouragement. Yes, let it sink in instead of deflecting it all, right? So, um, if you're like me, you don't really like the spotlight shown on you because you feel like you did your job and you did it and like that was the purpose of it. Right, like you did it, it was done, and you can feel discouraged over a period of time. So, when somebody does give you encouragement, how should I? How should I take this?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so gosh, this is a big one Again. Kind of going back to marriage, there was a period of time where I was doing a really good job telling my wife that I loved her. I was being specific and I was encouraging her, and on pretty much a daily basis, the feedback I was getting was that I don't say these things enough or I'm not doing this.

Speaker 1:

And it was hard, it was frustrating because at that time I happened to be doing a really good job at it. As we explored it, what I realized is she literally wasn't even hearing it, because there was this disconnect between not just there's two disconnects in our marriage at the time, and that was I was not doing a good job up to that time giving it and she was not doing a good job receiving it, and so, because it's a relationship issue, uh then, uh, with with any of us there's there's these two elements. So, if I'm going to receive encouragement, uh, there's a few things I've learned to do over the years. One is um, is I I've? If somebody is going to give me like encouragement, I actually have something I physically do with my body and I'll do this. I'll look at somebody. I'll be like thank you, right, the reason I did that is because it felt vulnerable and it felt weird to receive encouragement and not deflected for many years. And somebody taught me that if you anchor it with some sort of emotion, that helps you actually kind of break that cycle, and I don't even know if it's true, but but it's helpful. It's not me, okay.

Speaker 1:

And so there's a moment that when somebody encourages you, kind of kind of going back to the idea of the habit of consistently encouraging, there's also this habit of not deflecting, and that is when somebody encourages me, like I have this moment where I decide I feel vulnerable or inadequate or actually just flat. I don't feel like it's true. Right In that moment I have a decision to make, and that is am I going to? Probably two things. One is am I actually going to trust that person? And for me, it's where the vulnerability showed up is if somebody takes the time to look you in the eyes and say man, you did this thing the other day and that was really awesome, you know, that was great.

Speaker 1:

If they take the time to do that is my emotional reaction.

Speaker 1:

Be, you're a liar, I'm not going to right, maybe to some people right, but to the people who are surrounding you, hopefully in your life, it's actually a moment of realizing I get to display my trust in this person who has a perspective on my life that I can't have, and that is like I'm grinding, I'm grinding, I'm doing that, I'm growing, I'm growing, I'm growing and I don't realize I'm on a plateau and somebody looks up and be like hey, you got there Like you're there, you just did it and you're just like I don't know.

Speaker 1:

I was just taking the next step, right, so I'm going to trust that they're taking the time to stop and say this to me. The second piece is is I'm going to stop and take a moment to acknowledge it and to not deflect it, right, and that's you stop. You acknowledge it by saying thank you or wow, I appreciate you saying that, anchor it, do something physically that just says man, like I'm taking that in, yeah, if you do that, you're going to find yourself more encouraged, not even because people are more encouraging, but because you're actually receiving more of it.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so this is the one that I am actively working on is seeking encouragement when needed. Yeah, so tell me about that. So, instead of waiting for months and months and months and months of like hey, this is like really fricking hard and I'm not seeing the winds, and in my life of asking for, hey, dude, could you, you know, can you help me out and see the winds and that I'm that I'm gaining right, like, yeah, let's, can you help me out and see the wins and that I'm that I'm gaining right, like yeah, let's.

Speaker 1:

Can you encourage me in something that I'm doing? Yeah, it's really interesting because, like, if you look in in in real estate, we're professional salespeople, or you can even say we're professional marketers, and so there's a significant amount of like, whether you're feeling crappy or not, you roll up your sleeves, you're like, let's go, all right, I got to do it, so to do it. So we project. It's not even a wrong thing, but we project this like it's all good, let's go right.

Speaker 1:

But the reality is is that I might need deeply encouraged, I might need a whole lot of other things, but that may not be easy to see. And and the hard thing and again like in marriage or in relationships is if I expect everybody in my life to be a mind reader and I get super tweaked when they're not picking up on my signals, man, that's just hard. Yeah, right, it just really is hard. Again, I've done that so many times in marriage. Right, like this person is not picking up what I'm putting down Turns out nobody could have right, right, because it's all in my mind.

Speaker 2:

So it really is a matter of being open enough to just say, hey, like I need encouragement. And again, if you surround yourself with great people, that ask should be very well received. Perfect, okay, and I'm really excited about this last one here.

Speaker 1:

Use encouragement to fuel growth. Yes, using encouragement to fuel growth, right? So if you've ever raced or you've ever played a sport, you have absolutely experienced this Right. Somehow people run faster, jump higher, do more when there's a group of fans screaming encouragement at them. Right, like it's, it's phenomenal Right. Like if you ever been on the receiving end of, like you're giving it your all and all of a sudden you run by the stands and everybody blows up and somehow you are now running faster than your fastest.

Speaker 1:

Right, that's because encouragement fuels this, and what it does is it recognizes all of the hard work from before, right, and it sets you up with this, this feeling of I can do it, I just did it, people saw that, I did it. So I'm just not hallucinating that, or maybe I'm hallucinating that you know, like it's, it's not good, but but everybody else is saying no, it actually is that fuels for the next hill, that fuels for the next climb, that fuels for this next iteration of my personal growth. And so if we are receiving encouragement and we're giving encouragement, we're absolutely boosting performance, we're reducing fatigue and we're pushing into the trajectory of whatever the next level of personal growth is, with more strength, more energy, more resilience and more encouragement.

Speaker 2:

So we have a kind of tied on episode to this that you alluded to earlier, yes, which is analyze, recover and recalibrate, where we're going to kind of tie into some some things that are going to help you in these moments, correct?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we're going to do a few of these episodes talking about like OK, so if we're going to drive into personal growth and we're going to spend a bunch of time there this season, what are some these things that are kind of in? You know, what are these pit stops or what are these plateaus? Look like that cause us to be able to set up for the greater the, the best chance of success for our next iteration of personal growth. I think, uh, here, kind of early on in the season, it's a good thing to be able to uh skill people up with nice okay.

Speaker 2:

So we always sign off with same three things, which is impact and power and courage, but I'm gonna sign off today with an encouragement to you that you are doing a great job. Listening to things like this podcast and growing is an awesome step in your personal growth and you are doing an awesome job Absolutely.

Speaker 1:

Right on, Take care guys.